arrow
Home arrow Daily News arrow Grouchy Joe's Rants arrow Those Idjits Have All The Luck
HomeDaily NewsLinksContact Us
Main Menu
Home
Joe's Rants
Daily News
Contact Us
News Feeds
American Politics
Sites That Don't Completely Suck
Barry's Bachelor Tips
Captain Electro's Guide To Evil
Start Your Own Cult
Political Jokes
Biting Satire
Conspiracy Network
Paranormal Cafe
Add Your Link
Latest News
Political Humor
Borowitz Report
  • Greece No Longer a Nation; Announces Plan to Become Social Network ATHENS (The Borowitz Report) – After struggling for months with an intractable financial crisis, Greece announced today that it would cease to exist as a sovereign nation and would instead reboot itself as a social network. The new entity, FetaBook, is expected to raise much-needed billions in an upcoming IPO. The social network formerly known as Greece [...]
  • A Letter from Mark Zuckerberg MENLO PARK, CA (The Borowitz Report) – On the eve of Facebook’s IPO, Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg published the following letter to potential investors: Dear Potential Investor: For years, you’ve wasted your time on Facebook.  Now here’s your chance to waste your money on it, too. Tomorrow is Facebook’s IPO, and I know what some of you [...]
  • Hoping for Knockout Punch, CIA Sends JP Morgan Execs to Infiltrate Al-Qaeda WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In a covert mission designed to destroy what remains of al-Qaeda, the CIA has been infiltrating the terror network with executives from JP Morgan Chase, the banking giant. The mission, which the intelligence agency had hoped to keep secret, came to light this week when al-Qaeda dismissed two of its top [...]
  • Read Andy Borowitz?s New Bestseller with This Free App You don’t have to own a Kindle to read Andy Borowitz’s #1 bestseller, An Unexpected Twist.  Now you can read it on any device by downloading this free app here. Then download Andy’s book here. The critics rave: “Andy Borowitz is the funniest human on Twitter, and that’s not mean praise…  This funny book has a sneaky emotional [...]
  • My School Days NEW YORK – (The Borowitz Report) – Today, presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney released the following open letter to the American people: Dear Friends: This week, The Washington Post reported an incident from my high school days in which I bullied a gay classmate by pinning him to the ground and cutting his hair off.  This story [...]
Daily Show Headlines
Those Idjits Have All The Luck PDF Print E-mail
Written by Grouchy Joe   
Want to know what I really hate these days? Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway; I hate people with dumb luck!

You know what people I'm talking about. I'm talking about those idjits that win the lottery even though I've been playing it for a lot longer. I'm talking about the nincompoops that win the Bingo Jackpot on their very first dabber. They get a ringer on their very first horseshoe toss, and they get a good kidney on their very first transplant!

Why can't the rest of us stiffs catch a break? Why can't we beat the odds and get a stroke of good luck from time to time?

Why are we the last to find out about the Early Bird Specials? Why are we the last to hear about the cribbage tournaments? Why do we always have to come in second?

Well, I'll tell ya, the good ol' U.S. of A. was not founded on winning the silver, it was founded on winning!

So, I'll tell you right now, the next lucky person who I come across is going to win a punch in the face from yours truly! Let's see how they like that prize!
< Prev   Next >
Joe's Partners
HomeDaily NewsLinksContact Us

political humor