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Southern Idjits

Written by Grouchy Joe

If you thought that there were enough idjits in your city, you should try taking a trip down south! There are idjits all over the place down there! Bob Takahashi and I decided to take a road trip down there a couple of weeks ago to go see the big gun show down there and we had one crazy time. First of all, there were pick-up trucks everywhere. We drove around all day and saw nothing but old pick-up trucks and the occasional tractor driving down the road. Secondly, everyone thought that Bob Takahashi had done something wrong to them. They all stopped and stared at him with a scowl or a sneer. It was like he owed them all money or something! I checked with Bob Takahashi and he said he had never borrowed any money off any of them, let alone been to that state before in his life! That just didn't make any sense. Why were the people all giving him the evil eye? Maybe they thought that he looked like someone on America's Most Wanted or something. Then the craziest part of the trip happened when we were staying at our motel! We woke up in the middle of the night and heard a bunch of shouting and chanting and looked out the window and saw a group of people dressed in these long white dresses and white dunce caps that covered their whole faces. I saw that they had eyeholes cut out of them so that was good. That way they wouldn't walk into each other. Then they had this ten foot tall letter "t" on the lawn and they had lit it on fire! It was like some sort of crackbrained version of Sesame Street! I turned to Bob Takahashi and said, "What are these idjits doing, trying to take the letter "t" out of the alphabet?" Bob Takahashi just looked at me and shrugged. "Well that won't make no sense! They can't take the letter "t" out of the alphabet, we won't be able to use half the words! I'd have to start calling you "Bob Akahashi!" Bob just shook his head and laughed to himself. But I wasn't as good-natured at 2 AM. I needed my shut-eye. And when I saw them start to put up a second letter "t," I had had enough of these crazy idjits. I grabbed my newly purchased Smith & Wesson .44 Heavy Duty revolver out of my suitcase and went out the front door and yelled, "We ain't got no letter t's in here!" and then I shot the flaming letter "t" right smack in the center. It damn near exploded, with pieces of wood falling everywere. "Go look for letters somewhere else!" Well I figured that they were at the wrong motel anyway, because they all started to run around real fast and frantic-like. It was a good thing that they had cut those eye holes. They quickly packed up their second letter "t," piled into their two pick-up trucks, and sped off into the night. I guess it just goes to show you that there are idjits all over the place.

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