What in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks is going on with the kids in this
city?
I've lived here for 17 years and I haven't come across a smart kid
yet. It's like someone replaced their brains with oatmeal, but didn't
leave them a spoon!
There was
this one time, back in the 1980's, I was walking down to the art gallery
and I saw a large group of kids standing around the front steps. At first
I thought that they were just loitering punks, but when I got closer I
saw that they were watching another kid (who must have been wearing his
dads pants) laying down and twitching on the sidewalk. He must have
been having a seizure because he was flopping around like a fish out of
water.
That's not even the bad part! What suprised me was that none of
these kids were even helping him. They just stood around watching him,
listening to their music; it was like his medical condition was some kind
of sick entertainment!
Well, I wasnt
going to let this go on any longer!
I resisted the urge to club the boy
on his head, which I knew would stop his seizuring. Instead, I quickly
thought back to my WWII medic training. I picked up a stick from one of
the planters and and put it in the boys mouth so he wouldnt
bite his tongue. I then held him down and rolled him on his side so that
he would be able to breathe. I did my best to save the boys life,
but everyone "booed" me and called me names like "pops,"
"grandpa," and "old timer!"
The young boy on the ground
spat out the stick, lept up, and ran away from me like I was some kind
of Commie or something! I was no Commie! I was trying to save his life!
As it turns out, the
idjit was doing something that was called "break dancing." It
didnt make no sense to me, but these idjits seemed mighty upset
that I had ruined his fish imitation. To tell the truth, I'd seen better
floundering at the pool.
I looked at the crowd
and realized that they were all boys. How did these idjits plan their
break dance without inviting any girls? If they had any brains in their
heads, theyd get up off the sidewalk, dust themselves off, and head
on down to a good old-fashioned square dance! There'd be a female dance
partner for each one of these kids and I'm sure theyd stay a whole
lot cleaner.
I used to
square dance every Saturday night when I was their age and I was pretty
good at it too. I dont mind telling you that I was known to get
the odd peck on the cheek at the end of the night. I even worked my way
up to being the caller before I shipped out for Fort Thompson. Now that
is what I called fun!
Now it's
a good thing that none of those "break dancing" idjits who called
me names ever crossed my path again. I would've taken my cane and shown
them all a little something that I like to call "break-nosing!"
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